Bicol Express
by ThroughTheMonsoon
Summary: Hyoutei craze! And why? Ah, the wonders of food. Rated K  because I want to.


**A/N:** Hey there, everyone! I'm so bored right now, and I'm staying home alone with this laptop because… Well, everyone's out and I have chickenpox so I can't get out right now. I'm sick, so please cooperate.

**A/N2: **This little story here was created from a past mobile RP with a friend of mine. Would you even believe it? I was Tezuka. Hurrdurr!

**Warning/s:** As mentioned above, ore-sama has chickenpox which would probably affect ore-sama's brainwaves and interaction by 79.64 percent. Yudan sezu ni ikkou. PLUS, I've just finished marathoning Prince of Tennis today. Not all of it. Part of it. So there. Also, I still stand by my claim that Yanagi Renji has no eyes.

**Note/s: **Hey, remember what I said before? That thing about being my last fanfic? Well, hooray! I'm still alive! Though I have chickenpox… I'm still alive! Hooray!

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Prince of Tennis, Atobe and Taka-san would have a battle of the natural forces and Gakuto and Eiji would REALLY REALLY HAVE a dance match. Oh and I would make Inui drink his own chemicals.

**Hey, Denise Sabio, here's that fic I promised you a lifetime ago. Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi na!**

**BICOL EXPRESS**

**By ThroughTheMonsoon**

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><p>"What is this gunk, Yuushi?"<p>

"The only thing I can guarantee is it will be sinister."

"That coming from Oshitari, I think we should leave."

"Ore-sama has not permitted you to leave yet, na, Kabaji?"

"Usu."

"I think it would be rude to leave, too, Shishido-san."

"…what's going on again?"

The Hyoutei regulars were standing around the oval clubroom table. Well, everyone, except for Jirou, who just woke up and was still lazily flopped down on the antique European Louis XVII armchair that Atobe had Kabaji put him in.

"Seriously, though, Atobe. _What is this gunk?_" Gakuto demanded once again.

Everyone was staring at eight small bowls filled with whitish sauce relished with green vegetables and meat.

"It looks like left-over meals. Bleh." Shishido made a face.

"As everyone knows, ore-sama was in the Philippine archipelago for two weeks due to business matters."

"Of course everyone knows. You had the AV Club jack the speakers for you and announce it over the P.A. in the office," grumbled the hot-headed Shishido.

"If they were business matters, why didn't you have a briefcase?" Gakuto pointed an accusing finger at the tennis captain.

"If they were business matters, why did you bring Akutagawa along and have pictures in the beach uploaded and posted on your Facebook profile?" Oshitari questioned as he tapped through his iPhone and showed Atobe the photos.

"Sometimes, ore-sama despises where you get your information."

"Demo… It's not only _his _information, buchou," interjected Otori. "We're all friends on Facebook, and you actually have three thousand more friends than any of us."

Hiyoshi, who was beside Kabaji, mumbled, "Gekkokujou."

"Will anyone answer my question?" Gakuto fumed.

"Ore-sama was trying to when four particular regulars interrupted!"

"Whatever," was Shishido's only comment.

"Anyway, as ore-sama was saying, ore-sama went to the Philippines and had a fine business trip. Ore-sama and Jirou went to Bicol, which was before we went to that marvelous beach, and discovered a delicacy that is more delicious than the peking duck we had in that Chinese restaurant in Tokyo."

Shishido grunted impatiently, "Will you just get on with it?"

"Ore-sama is not to be rushed with his fantastic tales, peasant, but ore-sama will be gracious enough to do as one pleases. Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi na."

The regulars groaned, except for Kabaji.

"This intricate delicacy you have before you is the so-called Bicol Express, which is famous all throughout the Philippine nation," Atobe finally explained as he passed silver spoons to the members.

"Is it good?" their acrobat asked.

"Have you not been listening?" The young narcissist groaned. "Ore-sama sometimes wonders how ore-sama puts up with you. And then ore-sama remembers that it is because ore-sama is very gracious to those in need."

Shishido, in his usual hot-tempered self, blurted out, "Oi, Atobe! Are you calling us charity cases?"

"Shishido-san!" Otori tried to calm him down.

"If Atobe likes it, then we must believe it. After all, he's taken us to most of the restaurants that have the best cuisine," Oshitari reasoned.

"Since we're all gonna eat this anyway, ore-sama thinks we must eat this altogether. Everyone, take a bowl, and on the count of three."

Each one grabbed a bowl, spoons at ready.

"One," began Atobe.

"Two," followed Oshitari.

"Three," yawned Jirou.

All of them simultaneously took a spoonful of Bicol Express and shoved it into their mouths.

Also simultaneously, Shishido, Gakuto, Kabaji and Hiyoshi screamed, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Atobe smirked, "Delicious, ahn?"

Oshitari nodded, "Seconded, Atobe. Very delicious."

"Domo arigatou, Atobe-buchou!" Choutarou shoved another spoonful into his mouth.

Jirou, meanwhile, continued to snore since before he even got to taste the food, he fell asleep once again.

While all this happened, the screamers continued their thing. Screaming. Maybe it was too spicy for them.

Atobe, Choutarou and Oshitari finished their bowls within the next few seconds, in which Jirou continued to nap and the rest screamed.

When the scream fest ended, Oshitari mumbled, "Finally, you all stopped."

And that was when the side-effects started kicking in.

It was so weird, really, because in the next moment, Kabaji started babbling coherent-but-incoherent words. Coherent because, well, they were human words. Incoherent because he was  
>babbling really fast.<p>

Hiyoshi, meanwhile, was singing '70s bar songs.

Shishido and Gakuto just shut up. Literally. They were screaming like hell and then it was like someone switched off two megaphones.

"Oh, Kami-sama," muttered Atobe. "Kabaji has turned into an Ibu Shinji." He slapped his forehead into his hand.

"Interesting. Hiyoshi has become a drag queen," commented their blue-haired tensai as the said second year started dancing.

"Shishido-san? Shishido-san, daijoubu?" Otori started shaking his doubles partner.

Jirou sat up once again, looking at Mukahi who was standing listlessly beside him. "Gakuto's batteries are off, ne, Atobe…?" Then he fell asleep again.

"Ore-sama did not predict this."

"But I did." Oshitari pushed his glasses up.

"Well then." Atobe straightened up. "Ore-sama is not thinking of bringing Kabaji anywhere until he is cured." Then he left the clubroom.

"Come on, Gakuto," the bespectacled player said as he lifted Gakuto over his shoulder like a sack.

"Shishido-san, snap out of it! Shishido-san!"

Choutarou eventually got tired of waking Shishido's brain up, so he carried the shorter boy bridal style and ran to the infirmary.

The only thing I really don't get is how Jirou remained lulled to sleep as Hiyoshi loudly performed "Dancing Queen".

***O*O*O*O*O***

"Ore-sama cannot believe that it's been three days and Kabaji is still an Ibu Shinji," sighed Atobe as he watched Kabaji blabber to the other Hyoutei students in the distance. He had set up a five meter restriction order to keep Kabaji away from him.

"At least Mukahi is slowly coming to. His parents kept on updating me," Oshitari replied. "Otori, how's Shishido?"

"He's been staying at my place. I took him to his house twelve times, but when I get back to my house, he's there again."

"That's creepy," yawned Jirou from behind Atobe.

"Did you try slapping him? The egoistic tennis captain asked, settling down beside Jirou, whose eyes drooped, as always.

The silver-haired second year blinked. "You're supposed to do that?"

"No. Ore-sama just thinks the boy needs some." Atobe yawned. "By the way, where are they?"

"His parents think he should rest and fully recuperate today," the unofficial vice captain said about Gakuto.

"In our kitchen, probably staring into the fridge," Choutarou followed, checking his watch.

"Ore-sama guesses they'll be fine by Friday."

And the topic was never discussed again that day.

***O*O*O*O*O***

Meanwhile, in Seigaku, someone was, yet again, performing to Freak Out at the entrance of their tennis court.

"Ne, Tezuka," Fuji said as he took out his camera.

"Hm?" came the brief reply.

"Why is Hiyoshi Wakashi of Hyoutei performing '70s bar songs on our court?"

***O*O*O*O*O***

**END.**

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><p>Oh, and for you guys who don't know what a Bicol Express, check this: .3027/2705838776_


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